A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. Charles Darwin.
After I moved in with my, then, boyfriend (now husband), I thought we would hang out every night. We would have dinners together, chill on a couch with a cup of tea, discuss our days, and share ideas. My assumption could not have been further from the truth.
It all had started even before we got married and had children. We were both young, passionate, and career oriented. I was working in the litigation department of the busy law office and had a lot on my plate. My husband, Misha, had the full-time job and a few projects on the side that he was trying to grow. Our weekends did not provide any relief. We would sleep in to recharge after a busy week and then head to the gym or go for a run, separately. In the evenings, we would see our friends to unwind and enjoy a great company.
I know, it might seem, that maybe we were not that much into each other. But this is not true. After 13 years of being together, I still adore my hubby. I cannot imagine anyone else next to me. We make each other laugh. We get each other. We are comfortable with each other whether at home or outside. Of course, I do check out a hot guy who happens to be at the same place with me. Who doesn’t? But that is it.
After being together for ten years, we decided to get married and have children. Now we have two: a boy and a girl. The time became even more precious and scarce. The notion of a quiet time is gone. Now we are never alone. To be alone, we need a plan. Grandparents have to be available. Both little monsters need to be healthy (almost impossible during a flu season). We need to be healthy with no work-related deadlines. It is nearly impossible to meet all these requirements at the same time. For now, we accepted that during the next few years, we would not have any time to ourselves to continue developing OUR relationship. Instead, we will focus on our careers and children.
Yes, there are times when children are sleeping or visiting grandparents. But, we use this time to work on your projects whether it is work or something else. I recently discovered a new hobby — writing. Because it is new, I fully immerse myself in it whenever I have a minute. Misha is still working on a few projects that he hopes to turn into startups. Nowadays, time is so precious that it is painful to choose. Do we give up our dreams or give up our time together?
I am hoping we are making the right choice. Dreams are a must, and we need to work towards them. I am afraid that without goals we will be dull and turn into an annoying couple who can talk only about their children. What would we share then? What failures or successes would we discuss? Even though we don’t spend a lot of time together; individually, we grow, develop, learn, win, and lose. This is how our relationship gains and improves in the long run. Personal achievements and failures (I hope, not that many failures) make us a better partner, parent, and friend.
Misha and I do talk about this. We laugh and say: “I will see you someday,” and we get back to our projects. I am a bit saddened by this, but one day the children will be out of the house, our plans will fail or succeed; and, then we will have more time to chat, laugh, remember, and dream, again. We will be happy that we pursued our passions. I am sure of that.